


Training Wheels

by Imalwaysdown



Series: Destiel Oneshots/Drabbles [6]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Based on a Melanie Martinez Song, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Holding Hands, Hurt Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Castiel (Supernatural), Soft Castiel (Supernatural), Sweet Castiel (Supernatural)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:14:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25542694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imalwaysdown/pseuds/Imalwaysdown
Summary: Based on Training Wheels by Melanie Martinez. I interpreted the song on my own and wrote it with Dean and Cas. This is just Cas being patient with steps in their relationship.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Destiel Oneshots/Drabbles [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1811056
Comments: 4
Kudos: 25





	Training Wheels

**Author's Note:**

> Im sorry for not having indent on my work it’s just my laptop is slow and my phone is what I use to write, and it usually doesn’t show up on here when I indent with spaces. Im so sorry if it bothers you!!
> 
> Trigger Warning for mentions of past trauma.

It's unfair to Cas, is what Dean thinks. Dean knows he deserves better than him—deserves someone who is able to be touched without breaking down. 

Dean also knows in intimacy there is vulnerability, and Dean does not like feeling vulnerable. That feeling has already had enough of it's use. Dean is not comfortable with wearing it down anymore. 

There are reasons people end up this way. Dean blames it on the past trauma. It was hard enough letting Cas even date him. 

Dean trusts Cas. He's completely aware of that. Just having anyone to close makes Dean's stomach twist in that same feeling of vulnerability again. He's glad he found someone patient enough for his troubles, though he questions what it's worth.

...

Cas knows Dean well. He sees how hard it is for Dean. Cas just wishes he could clear all of his burdens from Dean. Someone as perfect as Dean deserves more than just that. 

Of course, Cas wants to be close physically to Dean, but he knows how scary that is for him. He doesn't have to be touched to love Dean for who he is. Being emotionally close is enough, and he is extremely appreciative of Dean letting him do that much.

...

Cas's love is enough to heal wounds. It's like he carries little bandaids with him every time Dean gets hurt, except in the metaphor the bandaids are his comfort. 

Cas is what keeps Dean grounded and stable. Without him, Dean would practically explode. He is still so scared Cas will leave him for good. He knows Cas should for the sake his own well-being. Dean begs God for anything but that. 

But that's why Dean feels so guilty about the lack of intimate actions in their relationship. It's common sense that normal boyfriends touch each other. Dean can stand or sit close to Cas, it's just everything beyond holding hands makes Dean want to throw up. There's a fine line between affection between romantic couples and simple touching, and Dean recognizes that. It's so easy for everyone else, why can't he just touch someone without being a big baby?

The first time he and Cas held hands, he had panicked and cried. He tried to hide it, but Cas saw him. Cas must have apologized a million times that night. 

He notices Cas wants to be close to him that way, but he knows he will wait. Dean damns himself for that. He's making Cas wait so long to do something as simple as touching. It's not like Cas is asking to make love. He just wants to be with him physically. 

He is jealous and grateful of Cas's patience. Dean had let people touch him before, but trauma is to blame for the way he is now. Cas understands that completely.

...

Cas does want to touch Dean. He wants it so much, actually. He'd see Dean smile like that and all he'd want to do is kiss Dean until they can't breathe any longer. He feels selfish, really, wanting to touch Dean when he knows that's not what he wants to do. 

Cas is waiting for the day he can kiss Dean without causing a panic attack. It takes baby steps. 

He sometimes wonder if Dean will ever let him. He wants to know if they will ever be able to do what they both dream to do. Dean should be the one who decides when they go and when they stop.

The progress between them is so slow, but Cas does persuade more than he needs to. The moment will get here soon enough and to Cas it will be worth every minute. 

He tries his best to keep Dean happy, make him as comfortable as possible. They want to be able to touch and they are both determined as ever to get there. 

He had waited for Dean to let him emotionally close, now the least he could do is wait for physical affection. He promised Dean that he would work for each and every way to touch, and if holding hands is the first they could do then he wouldn't go any farther until Dean let him. 

Dean told him why it happened, and why Dean is so scared of something so normally easy to anyone else. Dean used to let a lot of people he met in, and he would let that exposed feeling shine whenever he wanted. He had full control of how he felt when someone touched him, but some people are mean. He let people in that had no business in his life and now he is the way that is he is. Cas wonders why someone could be so hurtful. 

Cas would never make Dean feel uncomfortable or bad for something he'd done, and if he did he gave Dean full permission to call him out for it. He is constantly prepared each time Dean doesn't feel good, and is right there just to help him. 

Dean is too perfect for the ugly world. Cas wishes Dean could get everything he deserves. Dean deserves to not feel messed up. He's cracking and all Cas can do is to try to fix him. 

...

Dean finally lets Cas in at this moment. Cas had made him feel so happy that night. He couldn't handle not doing it. Cas must have noticed when Dean put his hand close to his that he wanted something. 

"Can I hold your hand, Dean?" He asked, voice sounding as sweet as possible to Dean. That made his heart flutter. 

Dean stared at him for a moment, but didn't hesitate letting out a "Yes."

Cas smiled, tears in his eyes when he wrapped his hand around Dean's. Dean felt a little nervous, but he squeezed his hand and smiled back. This is the closest they've been except for holding each other's pinkies. 

To Dean's relief, all feelings of nervousness washed away when he saw how proud Cas was, tears streaming down his face while he was softy beaming at Dean. He was kind of proud of himself too, for being able to do this without freaking out. He knew it was because Cas was there with him the whole time.


End file.
